Balance

It is tricky to know how much sunscreen to wear.  My doctor has told me I wear it too often, as I'm vitamin D deficient.  But then studies come out saying skin stays younger for longer if you always wear sunscreen.

... I really need to get back into blogging without being so terribly boring >.<

I am done!

Hurrah!  Officially got the paperwork that I've finished my MFA in the mail.  PhD to begin in the fall.  My tenth year of college shall commence in September.... oh my >.<

Fingers crossed!

Friday could be the last day of my MFA program-- fingers crossed I get everything done :)

Memory

Cliffs are nothing more than mounds of dust and rock that broke into at least two pieces.  There must be a word.  Everything should have a word.  But only one.  Things that are called by many names are exhausting.  They are the reason for extinction of the mind.

       But a cliff had two names once, at least.  The cliff.  And.  What was it?

       There were no birds at all.  Just sand catching in the breeze and blowing into our eyes and noses.  Maybe drawn to the warmth.  It felt like there should be crime scene tape or ravens, at least some rain.  Something to symbolize the occasion.

       We got an ultraviolet light from Tom’s place.  He’d bought it to detect traces of cat urine in his carpet.  Supposedly, it makes all sorts of fluids light up.  Not ocean water though.  At least, not that we’d heard of.

       The nothing is what is most confusing.  The staring at the spot and wondering what actually happened there.  What has been lost.

       The night is noisier.  Creatures awaken and all of them want to be known.  Squawking of the birds heading further south, across the border without papers, carrying contraband fruit in their beaks.  A cockroach carries through the air and really is just a beetle with a bad reputation.  She sits down on the rock by my hand and fluffs her wings a few times, a flip-book noise.  She looks much like a firefly but without the benefit of a light to categorize her as beautiful.  

       Tom turns the UV light on.  It glows light purple as the name suggests, and all of the rocks shine bright and white in response.

       “Ew,” Tom says.

540 Disciples Video

I was going to a rougher sound quality but now I think that might've been a bad choice. Anyway...

The 540 Disciples from Amanda Martin Sandino on Vimeo.

More affirmations

On reflection, the biggest thing to do is act in a stressful situation. When I am in frustration with myself (which is grammatically incorrect but sounds just lovely, doesn't it?) I will repeat, "I do not care" or "it doesn't matter." This seems to be the appropriate internal response in all cases so far, that is to say, today. In any case, I must care less about a great many things. It sounds cold, but the truth is I care quite a bit about pretty much everything and everyone. Bad news to anyone becoming bad news to oneself leads to a rather depressing life. Anyway! Let's see how it goes!

Daily Affirmation- abbreviated from Thich Nhat Hanh

Understanding and compassion are very powerful sources of energy. They are the opposite of stupidity and passivity. If you think that compassion is passive, weak, or cowardly, then you don't know what real understanding or compassion is....

Other human beings are not our enemies. Our enemy is not the other person. Our enemy is the violence, ignorance, and injustice in us and in the other person. When we are armed with compassion and understanding, we fight not against other people, but against the tendency to invade, to dominate, and to exploit. We don't want to kill others, but we will not let them dominate and exploit us or other people. You have to protect yourself. You are not stupid. You are very intelligent, and you have insight.

Being compassionate does not mean allowing other people to do violence to themselves or to you. Being compassionate means being intelligent.

Dark Forest Prompt

Cave of the grotesque

Prime evil

Primeval 

My flashlight is a weapon

the only games that scare me

are the ones where I'm unarmed

where you have nothing to do 

but hide beneath the tables

and run when the monster's back is turned

Primeval

an ancient noise comes from my throat

neither scream, which suggest terror,

nor purely the rage I want to exhibit

a mixing noise of echo and metal

against concrete

Whatever

primeval thing is here

Is here in opposition

and thus must die

I have a plan

You see, it isn't murder

if done

in self

defense

Primeval plans

Place the batteries in its mouth

gnash its teeth down with my hands

til the poison fluid spills down

its chin and bleeding maw

Brain is most lovely as a verb

I raise high my torch

and help it fall

with a satisfying crack

of metal snapping bone

and meat

Primeval

I remove the bulb from my lamp

break it painfully on the wall

against a painted elder face

take the glass against the flesh

create my own fearsome art

with blood, my own and its,

as eyeshadow, stain and rouge.

You see,

it isn't murder

if it's done in self defense

and who knows what that man- that monster

had in store for me.

"She was asking for it," 

they told me once.

So I did.

When they ask me what I've done.

"He was asking for it,"

I'll say,

"Wandering about at such an hour,

And all dressed up like that."