Writing Practicum #1

Intensity Warning!

And so, I begin.

I Remember, after Joe Brainard--

I remember when they announced a storm was coming and all I could understand was the picture of trees getting dragged away.

I remember I had hot chocolate with a lot of American marshmallows.

I remember marshmallows costing about the same as postage- I sent you postcards like messages in bottles, I remember.

I remember calling long distance and how it ended up costing me all of my last month's stipend.

I remember going to Mashiko where the trees were unnatural colors like your damned laser pointer hair and remember they were both (somehow) natural.

I remember small breasts displayed in low cut shirts.

I remember things that did not happen.

I remember silence in words and screaming in wind.

I remember the man getting shitfaced on the plane and pissing himself and trying to grope the flight attendant.

I remember the sober man on the train with his hand up my skirt--I remember trying to pretend it was you, but his hands were too big.

I remember going on a Ferris Wheel called a gondola, which didn't make any sense but who cared 'cause it was pink and made us laugh- not you and I but someone else and me.

I remember the giant spider covered in Christmas lights and the tiny jumpy spider covered in stripes that I named Herbert and chronicled the activities of meticulously.

I remember you hate spiders.

I remember taking the Women's Only train and it smelling like a hundred different perfumes, one of which was the one you used to wear-- Clinique Happy.

I remember reading Beloved on the train to and from school.

I remember looking at the abstract ice sculptures and trying to understand why anyone would go to such trouble to make something so ugly.

I remember IMing you and you talking about you and you and you and you.

I remember wandering through a graveyard and taking pictures of bottled water and tea on the tombstones.

I remember the woman sitting in the middle of the train station with her skirt bunched up to her waist sobbing and screaming and nobody doing anything and I remember thinking I would have done something, except I wasn't really there.

I remember the couple in the room next door making love except the way they did it it was fucking because it was so fucking loud that I couldn't sleep.

I remember you writing something that broke my heart but I don't remember what it was.

I remember that asshole who dropped something but wouldn't stop so I could give it back to him, and following him all the way across campus saying "excuse me."

I remember you could pay 500 yen to go in the back of the Great Buddha.

I remember my friend taking a picture of a "Do not take pictures" sign.

I remember finding out someone I love died and not being able to attend the funeral.

I remember how reading Beloved somehow seemed like a good idea after that; it wasn't.

I remember the men in the train workers' uniforms going past me with a gurney and something lumpy with a white cloth stained red over it.

I remember realizing it was a corpse.

I remember you telling me how lucky I was and me thinking you should go to Hell.

I remember the man on the train who had lived in Germany and spoke English and wore one of those hats I always forget the name of, and how I rode the train to the boondocks just to talk with him for a while.

I remember getting "standing room only" tickets but somehow having a seat anyway.

I remember getting a student discount on sweet potatoes.

I remember the smell of vomit on the Yamanote Line.

I remember joining the piano club so I could go the club room and play the keyboard and sing, and how the janitors could hear me but for once I didn't feel self-conscious at all.

I remember missing you singing with me, because you had a much better voice, probably still do.

I remember singing anyway.