Big Words

ive lost the Big Words today
cant use them
anymore
dont feel like feeling prejudiced
giving up on heterosexism
no more trying to understanding hermeneutics

i cant stand them anymore
trying to explain in windy words
sounding like a poem all on their own
latin-y and ending with isms or logies
words that probably got made up
by some rich guy
talking about how hard he had it
a hundred years ago

whats the point anymore
the worry, it eats away at my brain
a growth coming out of my heart
ate up everything
except the hands i got to use
to type out those long words
and the brain
whats left of it

i cant do write or right by you
you who i want to be a we with
my love feels so big
big as those long words
big as tintinabulation
big as juxtaposition
big as antidisestablishmentarianism
not even sure that is a word
if it is, it ought to be chopped up
cut into little pieces and hid away in a box

what good do they do us
i say us
i hope you understand
i just can't stand being alone right now
even writing here on my own
thinking about the world
and what good im doing in it
learning big words
learning to spit out theory like it was my own
learning that everything's "problematic"

wishing i could learn how to change
while i also learn
about the end of the world
thatll probably be here
by the time i graduate.