Tuesday, June 24, 2008

This is why I'm a Nerd

So, I was prettying my face a little bit ago when I discovered an evil mutant ant lurking across my neck. Like any decent person, I immediately shrieked and brushed the villain away- casting him onto the floor. I vanquished the monster via a long piece of toilet paper, carrying him on the sheet to safety outdoors/the deck where he will surely fall victim to one of the trillion birds milling about.

Then I got to thinking how this monster had gotten onto me. And then, my nerddom shone. Presented in the order that I thought them, here are the explanations:

Answer 1) It had come from my ear, wherein a colony of such insects reside working toward my brain to gain control. When they have succeeded, they will use me as a host to their nefarious schemes. I believe this plot came from the X-Files, though it may have been a different type of creature. Also reeks of Animorphs, Men in Black, Star Trek, and urban legends surrounding ear wigs. Those stories used to creep the heck out of me as a kid.

2) I had unconsciously drawn the ant to me with my telepathic ant-communicating powers (ala Ant Man). He was merely a little friend coming to help me fight off the forces of evil. More will follow (shiver!).

3) An omen that the Avengers movie will be awesome despite the cheesiness of the Ant-Man origin story/powers. Both Edward Norton and Robert Downy Jr. will get shirtless scenes. God's in His Heaven, All's Right with the World (also the NERV logo O.o)

4) A vampire ant coming to drain my blood (very slowly... and where would it all go? He's tiny!).

The fifth explanation, probably the most logical, is that the little fellow climbed onto my hand without me noticing it when I pet my cat, Margaret. She'd just come in and was oozing with outdoorness. Then he proceeded up my shirt and onto my neck, trying to figure a way out. And then, without any warning, he heard a gigantic high pitched sound and found himself thrown to the ground. He was then coerced onto a certainly unstable surface, brought into the air and carried across a vast expanse of land in seemingly a single bound. He then found himself set down on a familiar surface though far from his home. Luckily, he is a carpenter ant and has the advantage of his size for finding the nest... unless it really is in my head gah!

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