Fireworks

It seems the new year has been passing all day.  Not a good day to be bemigrained, so a short post today.

Waiting for Books

It seems the profs for my courses are being as lazy as me -- books for three of my courses are still not posted, nor are the readings line in anyway.  One week before next quarter, and no way to prepare in advance.  Just as well, I suppose, since I'm far behind on reading the books I do know about.

Also important for teaching... But I guess there isn't much to teach first week anyway.

Pre-quarter jitters are the worst.

App-ify Your Life

I feel like I might be depending on my apps to keep me in line.  There seem to be apps for everything, including all I eat, how often I sleep, how I work out, what I read, etc.  But this seems to work better-- so I guess it is mostly that I am most motivated by getting emails if I don't do something? 

Anyway, I need to think more about some possible posts for here, since my daily posts are lacking content.  Maybe just because I'm on vacation?

Let's go with that...

Classes

It is weird to know what to take in school, especially once you've been here forever. Especially when there are a bunch of classes that sound lovely for a single quarter, and you don't know when they'll be offered again.

This quarter, I am signed up for five classes, in addition to the one class worth of credit I get for teaching.

I want to take Black Marxism for the teacher and reading list. Also, Marxism.  Not to be mistaken with how it is conceived of in pop culture today.  Shakkur, man. And hauntology.

I want to take Caribbean lit because I may focus on that region and the books sound lovely. I've started reading and am entranced.

I am taking disability studies because that is my focus thematically (v regionally) and I love the prof and have one of the books and have read it.

I want to take transatlantic lit for the same as Caribbean and also because it focuses on 17th c so I get historical breadth req out of the way.

I have to take the other.

This is the most boring blog post ever, but I'm trying to do everyday...

Good Habit and Self Improvement Apps

Trying to be better about some things while continuing with others through the new year.  Obviously, blog posts are part of that...

1. Lumosity- continuing to train my brain to improve my attention span, multitasking, and memory.  Not sure if it actually works >.< but I will check in next year. At least my scores are going up.
2. Duolingo- started by studying Spanish then add French and recently Italian. I like the new coach function so you can set a daily goal for each language. Not sure how it's affecting my Spanish, which was decent to begin with but it has helped my non existent French quite a bit. Also competitiveness helps to motivate!
3. Fitbit- to make sure I walk a certain amount each day! Also competitive and links with Lose It
4. Lose It!- like Weight Watchers but free...
5. Habit RPG- to keep track of all this nonsense while building my mad wizard skills and making sure I hit goals before getting certain prizes.
6. Daily Workout- to keep up with my abs, leg, and arm weight training- as Lose it logs eating and work outs.
7. News 360- because Habit RPG says following the news is good for your brain...
8. Gratitude!- a journal to keep track of small joys throughout the day. Apparently helps a wee bit with depression. Just started...

I'll update this when I learn more about whether I like them or not.

Tidbit

I told Em that the Twinkle Lights are actually fairies, but they hide themselves by turning into light bulbs when people get too close.

Balance

It is tricky to know how much sunscreen to wear.  My doctor has told me I wear it too often, as I'm vitamin D deficient.  But then studies come out saying skin stays younger for longer if you always wear sunscreen.

... I really need to get back into blogging without being so terribly boring >.<

I am done!

Hurrah!  Officially got the paperwork that I've finished my MFA in the mail.  PhD to begin in the fall.  My tenth year of college shall commence in September.... oh my >.<

Fingers crossed!

Friday could be the last day of my MFA program-- fingers crossed I get everything done :)

Memory

Cliffs are nothing more than mounds of dust and rock that broke into at least two pieces.  There must be a word.  Everything should have a word.  But only one.  Things that are called by many names are exhausting.  They are the reason for extinction of the mind.

       But a cliff had two names once, at least.  The cliff.  And.  What was it?

       There were no birds at all.  Just sand catching in the breeze and blowing into our eyes and noses.  Maybe drawn to the warmth.  It felt like there should be crime scene tape or ravens, at least some rain.  Something to symbolize the occasion.

       We got an ultraviolet light from Tom’s place.  He’d bought it to detect traces of cat urine in his carpet.  Supposedly, it makes all sorts of fluids light up.  Not ocean water though.  At least, not that we’d heard of.

       The nothing is what is most confusing.  The staring at the spot and wondering what actually happened there.  What has been lost.

       The night is noisier.  Creatures awaken and all of them want to be known.  Squawking of the birds heading further south, across the border without papers, carrying contraband fruit in their beaks.  A cockroach carries through the air and really is just a beetle with a bad reputation.  She sits down on the rock by my hand and fluffs her wings a few times, a flip-book noise.  She looks much like a firefly but without the benefit of a light to categorize her as beautiful.  

       Tom turns the UV light on.  It glows light purple as the name suggests, and all of the rocks shine bright and white in response.

       “Ew,” Tom says.

540 Disciples Video

I was going to a rougher sound quality but now I think that might've been a bad choice. Anyway...

The 540 Disciples from Amanda Martin Sandino on Vimeo.

More affirmations

On reflection, the biggest thing to do is act in a stressful situation. When I am in frustration with myself (which is grammatically incorrect but sounds just lovely, doesn't it?) I will repeat, "I do not care" or "it doesn't matter." This seems to be the appropriate internal response in all cases so far, that is to say, today. In any case, I must care less about a great many things. It sounds cold, but the truth is I care quite a bit about pretty much everything and everyone. Bad news to anyone becoming bad news to oneself leads to a rather depressing life. Anyway! Let's see how it goes!

Daily Affirmation- abbreviated from Thich Nhat Hanh

Understanding and compassion are very powerful sources of energy. They are the opposite of stupidity and passivity. If you think that compassion is passive, weak, or cowardly, then you don't know what real understanding or compassion is....

Other human beings are not our enemies. Our enemy is not the other person. Our enemy is the violence, ignorance, and injustice in us and in the other person. When we are armed with compassion and understanding, we fight not against other people, but against the tendency to invade, to dominate, and to exploit. We don't want to kill others, but we will not let them dominate and exploit us or other people. You have to protect yourself. You are not stupid. You are very intelligent, and you have insight.

Being compassionate does not mean allowing other people to do violence to themselves or to you. Being compassionate means being intelligent.

Dark Forest Prompt

Cave of the grotesque

Prime evil

Primeval 

My flashlight is a weapon

the only games that scare me

are the ones where I'm unarmed

where you have nothing to do 

but hide beneath the tables

and run when the monster's back is turned

Primeval

an ancient noise comes from my throat

neither scream, which suggest terror,

nor purely the rage I want to exhibit

a mixing noise of echo and metal

against concrete

Whatever

primeval thing is here

Is here in opposition

and thus must die

I have a plan

You see, it isn't murder

if done

in self

defense

Primeval plans

Place the batteries in its mouth

gnash its teeth down with my hands

til the poison fluid spills down

its chin and bleeding maw

Brain is most lovely as a verb

I raise high my torch

and help it fall

with a satisfying crack

of metal snapping bone

and meat

Primeval

I remove the bulb from my lamp

break it painfully on the wall

against a painted elder face

take the glass against the flesh

create my own fearsome art

with blood, my own and its,

as eyeshadow, stain and rouge.

You see,

it isn't murder

if it's done in self defense

and who knows what that man- that monster

had in store for me.

"She was asking for it," 

they told me once.

So I did.

When they ask me what I've done.

"He was asking for it,"

I'll say,

"Wandering about at such an hour,

And all dressed up like that."

Horoscope- 2/5

Great news! Bad interactions! Today is a Ferris Wheel.  Buy popcorn to throw at the rubes.

Horoscope- 2/4

Hungover, this day is blurred. Have no anxiety over what you have lost.

Horoscope- 2/3

A day of work- alas! Your team will lose and you will get drunk on a mere two drinks.  But not an altogether bad day, nonetheless.

Horoscope- 2/2/13

Things are looking up, my tomato.  Be wild, and stop staying up so late.  The wee hours have a way of producing melancholia.

Horoscope- 2/1/13

Today will be removed from memory as the pain continues to gnaw.

Horoscope- 1/31/13

The Chinese New Year brings an ache.  Yoga will not help.

Horoscope- 1/30/13

The day is lost, let it be lost.  You will rue the moment you stepped from your bed.

Horoscope- 1/29/13

The madness of filling up then slowly leaking out will play with you today.  Listen to its seeping as if in meditation, then breathe.

Horoscope- 1/28/2013

Tonight, you will go to bed wishing you had finished that film instead of finishing your necessary work.  Don't worry- you can always watch a film again and with newly excited pupils.  They will dilate when you grow excited.  Cinema works that way.

1/27/2013 horoscope

You will regret sleeping in late.

Horoscope- 1/26/2013

You will regret getting up early.

Horoscope- 1/25/2013

You will show severe lack of character today.  Just admit you don't like Thai food and get on with it!

Horoscope- 1/24/2013

If only these horoscopes occurred before the actual day, I could warn you that your coffee maker will break, leaking brown ooze all over your counter.  A sleepless night with the following caffeine deprivation will lead to an exhaustion only healed through drink.  Ignore the mixers, and shoot 'til you sleep.

Horoscope- 1/23/2013

You are probably destroying your liver and kidneys.  Everyday brings you exponentially closer to death.  Find solace in the reality that the cyborg revolution is coming.  The cogs will keep you going 'til they melt in our inevitable collision with the sun.

Horoscope- 1/22/2013

Don't overthink it.  Self-medicate ad nauseum.  ¡Illegitimi non carborundum!

Horoscope- 1/21/2013

You will stand your ground today.  Allow the panic to overtake you then let it go.  Exhale.  Gumption is a rare asset in this day and age.

Sunday horoscope

Study in advance, for not everyone has your sense of whimsy and anarchy.  Let the minor irritation go.

Saturday horoscope

Today, you are sick. Revel in the excuse to be lazy.  Read and sleep and drink tea.

Friday Horoscope

Don't worry about all of the things you need to do today- you will miss them all.  Try to be independent- you need some time alone, but you likely will not get it.

Thursday horoscope

You will begin a terrible movie.  You'll feel compelled to finish it- ignore this impulse! It does not get better.

Post-day horoscope

You will be spiritually lifted today.  Follow through on your responsibilities and you will end the evening with serenity.  You will additionally receive good news today, but don't count your eggs before they catch.

Casual Racism

I know, it isn't good to vent in a public venue, so I'll be as obscure as possible with my references.

I just want to say that the coup d'etat in Chile is an essential event in my family history.  It is not interchangeable with any other event.  The coup has a place in my personal and in world history.

If you don't know about the coup, educate yourself.

Don't expect me to understand your personal history if you don't understand mine.  The next time you laugh at me for ignorance on Anglophone history, I'm going to metaphorically smack you upside the head.

Tragedies across the world are not interchangeable.

Just suck it up and recognize you are privileged.  And stop being antagonistically defensive against me for having many "protected class status[es]."  I'd be happy to change shoes with you any day of the week.

And just to be a dick, I'm going to make you read the most awkward as hell writings the rest of the quarter.

And if you say anything, I'll just say you have no idea what it's like.

By the by, this is what it looks like when I'm angry.  It doesn't happen often.  I'm usually just sad.  But today I am just really angry.

Because nobody should have to endure casual racism.

And I really felt like I didn't belong today.  And went to the bathroom to cry and wouldn't let myself because I knew this was something I needed to be angry about.

So now I am still angry but mostly homesick for my mom, who gets it.

Post-day horoscope

Today your soul will be leeched from you via casual racism.  Don't worry, it will come back.  Don't forget, the more coffee you drink, the more water you will need to drink to avoid foot cramps.

January 14- horoscope

Oh my little ant, you will act the grasshopper today and pay for your hopping about with loss of sleep.  Work harder at selfishness for you have been moronic in your compassion of late.

January 13- horoscope

Today is full of pain. Liquor will not help but you'll think it will and ignore advice.  Try to avoid the shadow of bitterness sweeping in.

January 12- horoscope

Tody is about eating and spending! Revel in you hedonsism, and don't worry too much about mixing your new meds with alcohol.  You will not die.

January 11 horoscope

Your friend will have mechanical difficulties, resulting in much loss of sleep.  Don't worry, for peace of mind is best preserved via force of will.  You will watch the Ocean's 11 sequels but not of your free will.  Domination takes many forms.

Catching up

I've had trouble accessing my blog the past few years since it appears Blogger was acquired by Google I now need to use my Google account. But which one? Who can say....

Anyway, I'll put as separate posts my post-day horoscope.

Japan blog posts

I really should go back through my Japan blog posts and make something of them.  Maybe incorporate into thesis in some way.  Hmm...

It is a tricky thing, blogging.  I've noticed how the number of posts decrease like wow over time.  Some days, I just post poems.  Sometimes, I treat this space as a diary.  Most of the time, I just put up random crap and try to write a la Helen Fielding.

I think it must be easier to write when abroad because everything is shiny new. No one wants to hear about my current watchthrough of films with twisty endings.  Particularly as the endeavor has produced nearly all depressing films thus far.

Here was my day then, I suppose:

7:30 wake up and put self together.  J.Lo inspired make up today with my interview outfit.  Many people said I looked fancy.  But I think I dress fancy most of the time, so what is to be said?

8:30 catch the shuttle to campus.  Overuse of heating.  Coffee has not yet cooled.

9:00 teach first section.  Students speak quite a bit.  I think the "Written by a Kid" videos facilitate conversation.

10:00 teach second section.  Ditto.  Student forgets umbrella, which I bring to lecture.

11:00 lecture for class I teach.  Bring umbrella.  Set up class blogs during class.  Read email.  Take notes.  Am generally wanting to be elsewhere, though prof is such good lecturer, I can only blame lame coffee.

12:30 office hours.  Read all of Susan Howe's That This.  Enjoy first and second sections.  Watch last hour of Buried on Netflix.  Feel lousy.

2:30ish take form to T at MFA office to get signed.  Trying to take free extension course on Spanish to English translation.

3:00ish take shuttle home but then must be later as...

4:00ish arrive home.  Watch TV shows on Hulu. Do dishes.

7:00 pick up K and A.  Go to work out.

8:30 arrive home.  Talk to L.  Shower.

9:00 watch Futurama.

10:00 read Vicious Red Relic, Love.  Too much information and sensation to take in more than an hour.

11:00 update Weight Watchers. Blog post.

12:15 to bed!

.... very boring.

Post-Day Horoscopes

Today you will watch a film with a troubling ending.  Cherish a cell phone with a fully charged battery.  And, when given the choice, neither become buried alive nor a truck driver in Iraq.