dream a little dream of me

I actually just have that song in my head.  Anyway, has nothing to do with anything on my mind.

Honestly, there isn't much going on that is interesting.  Busy busy, as usual.  Nanowrimo is coming up (Monday yeek!), so I had better try to get as much done for my PhD apps this weekend as is humanly possible.  Which basically means putting together my statements of purpose (statement of purposes?) from the generic one I made this week, editing writing samples, finalizing my CV, getting my letter of recc info form filled out, doing a research statement, and probably a few other things that I am forgetting.  Basically, I am hoping to get a portion of this done this weekend, and finishing Veteran's Day weekend.

That is the genius plan.

I also need to start writing some more poetry, but I suppose Nano-ing it up doesn't help much in that regard.  I'm planning to do vignettes this year for a sci fi thing.  Easier than going the general fiction route.  Tried to get steam up for a collaborative novel, but people seem to be convinced they are too busy for that even :| 

Well, at least I can go to bed at a decent hour tonight and get up later than usual.  Let's make a to do list- yay!

Tomorrow:
Finish readings and post for colloquium
Post for BG's class
Write mini-paper "cook book" assignment for BG's class
Write research statements, finish CV, start statement of purpose editing

Sunday:
Read two chapters for human capital group
Meet with DB to plan for facilitation
Edit as many papers are possible

Ugh, I don't want to.  There, I've written it, and now you know.

editing poems

feedback is appreciated!  unless it is "ur stupid," which is just silly.  Because I will simply erase it-- and feel powerful doing so!

3:15 1-

her joy was in motion
tangible with magicks
knowing every creature
with all the movements
in the mystery of the reality
that bumblebees cannot fly
(scientifically speaking)



3:15 8-

Noise of falling rain
Falling stars- asteroids
That coldness spreading
the bottled-up energies
used to power our night images
those children of rational parents
who don't know what we all accept
the man on the moon is a dark woman
with hazel eyes and silver hair
wearing a twinkling black and starry dress
sending down those stars
just so we make wishes

3:15 12-
swish of freeway
wind maybe but
that air is cold
sound of coldness
sneaking into
warning all away

the warm cats
that knitted blanket
cozy cozy comfortable
shhh that hungry ghost sound
that cold liquid diet sound
maybe just a motorbike
because maybe maybe
it was the freeway
all a long

3:15 17-
industriously
the little ones build up
ward to the moon you
sing recycled materials
stacked up and up up
fused with only spit
and it only it were a little
cooler we'd be done

3:15 22-
ibuprofen
go to sleep
hate for you
as to weak
intensification
all your sisters
and all your brothers
and your family going back
seventeen generations back
all hated
this murderous intent
toward you and yours
all your kinfolk
not your fault (maybe)
that you someone
got this rep around you
having some influence
over those nerves
you nothing thing
stay in those damned bottles
and let you drown

3:15 26-
breathing lessons come to an end
fumes of the world enter and transform
combing themselves into pure thought.
but let's us give it back, mija,
throw it back to the ocean like a small fish
let go of this bit of something godly
we will find it all someday.

To think about

and be not so thrilled to hear!

From PostSecret:

A bit of light reading

Well, I'm not sure how it's come to this so early in the quarter, but I have once again come to a "light reading" phase. 

Essentially, every quarter or so, I end up rereading children's and/or other easy books.  I just get too exhausted to read any general fiction.  Our book club is reading a book about Japanese Internment right now, and I just can't see having the energy to put up with feeling sad for it.  I know it will make me cry, so I am avoiding it :|  How's that for politically unsavvy?

Usually, I reread Howl's Moving Castle, Me Talk Pretty One Day, both of Alan Alda's autobios, Transformation (Carol Berg one), and a few others.  I am rereading a romance (le gasp!) ... or I guess I was-- I finished it again today.  A Japanese romance/supernatural book called Be With You (don't feel like clicking the flag at the top to write the Japanese title right now). 

Anyway, so I'm trying to find some other Japanese romances.  Or light books in general.  Am reading Voyage of the Dawn Treader for December's book club, which is, yes, a Narnia book.  I also am happy that Bryson's In a Sunburned Country is our January book, as that is another rereader during stressful times.

Anyway, let me know what other books are good!  Nothing too emotional or complicated.  Funny, light romance, children's- let's hear 'em!

Crazy Weekend

And not in a "we drove to Tiajuana and don't remember what happened after that" way. More in a "was so busy I had a headache the whole time" way.

Friday was GRE studying (last minute) and book club.

Saturday was GRE taking plus midterm grading plus a play (hurrah for Albee).

Sunday was finishing of midterm grading, Emmy watching, semi-cooking, essay reading, homework posting, book for school reading madness.

So much to be done! I wish I could post something more interesting. Did decent on my GRE, definitely better than last time. Midterms were a trip-- kids didn't know what The Holocaust was v.v

At least the Holidays are coming up. As in, Halloween, Thanksgiving, my Bday, and the Christmas. I am excited to have Christmas with Emmy :) Plus, we may be going to Disney World early next year. That would be super lovely, I think. Want to go to Hogwarts Land or Harry Potter Land or whatever it is called.

Anyway, the Emmy was definitely a highlight for this weekend. We still haven't made it through all of Elmo in Grouchland, but I am learning the first three songs pretty well.  Mandy Patinkin is a riot! :D

Stressed Out!

There you have it, I am stressed out. And really, I am too busy to post anything, thus the lame-o post I did IN CLASS (which was a class assignment thing, and for which we were given about 5 minutes). Lordy, I need to get my writing sample together so I can mail it in and have it ready for workshopping and editing at the Writing Center tomorrow.

The "final final" college list has shifted YET AGAIN. UCSB Lit program required a GRE subject test, which means they super look at that shit. It shouldn't be important, and it is important to me that it not be important :)

Also, I have noticed that I seem to curse more the tired-er I am. Oh noes!

In any case, I am getting together two writing samples (got to total 25 pages together for one program, so I'm doing one ten page and one fifteen page). Have my CV more or less together. GRE is Saturday. Then I have to do my statement of purposes. Apps. themselves should probably be done this Sunday come to think of it-- get my letters of recommendation "official requests" out with a few months before they're due. Oy!

A few other things to get together. My MFA writing samples, for one. Have some poetry editing to do. I should probably send my edits to J as well, who is my advisor. Also, I think I need to do some research statements, and a few random other stuff. Need to do a general statement about having a disability and it affecting GRE scores. Ugh.

Plus, I need to update my capstone proposal, write an autoethnographic paper, do another auto paper on the GRE, get some more poetry written toward my chapbook, and do more than one collab project, because I really just can't say no to a good collab.

Shoot, I also need to call all the admissions counselors for the programs to see if they have any suggestions. Ugh, putting it off 'til next week. Then, if I find out the GRE is important and my score is uber crap, I can end up not applying. Bother.

So anyway, I am stressed.

In-Class Writing

Prompt

Argue that:
Consumers have control over the images that fashion their lives. Consumers take commodities and reshape them to give them their own meaning. Social values drive economic values and choices. We have agency.

If social values did not drive economic values, there would be no organic food movement. People value their bodies, so use of products, however highly publicized, go down as we know the ramifications they have on bodies in the long run. For example, we now know that smoking cigarettes can lead to lung cancer, emphysema, and other lung diseases, yet the opposite was believed sixty years ago. While the effects of consuming GMFs remain debatable/not 100% determined yet, the question of it possibly being terrible for you effects the way populations view nonorganic foods.

--cheers?

Final Final List

A few added progs. from my advisors (I decided to repost, since my one reader wasn't looking back at the old post to see if it changed ^^*)

University of Washington Seattle:
Comp. Lit. (PhD)
English (PhD)
Geography (PhD)
Women's Studies (PhD)

Washington State U:
American Studies (PhD)

UCSD:
Writing (MFA)
Literature (PhD)

CalArts:
Writing (MFA)

University of San Francisco:
Writing (MFA)

University of British Columbia:
Women's and Gender Studies (PhD)

University of Oregon:
Comp. Lit. (PhD)
English (PhD)
Philosophy (PhD)

UC Berkeley:
English (PhD)

San Francisco State:
Creative Writing (MFA)

UC Davis:
Cultural Studies (PhD)

hmm...

I can't think of anything to write about today, but I'm trying to do a post a day for a while, if I can.  Yet, I think if I force myself to write something tonight, it will end up being about TV.  And then you will judge me!

I am reading Susan Sontag's Regarding the Pain of Others, and am pretty irritated by her, to be perfectly honest.  She definitely has some interesting points, but she elevates photography so much over other art/creation forms that I keep getting annoyed.  Is it any surprise that she is a photographer?  Plus, she keeps mentioning these photographs, but none of them were included in the book-- what the heck?  I don't want to look them up, because they are all war and torture images, but I feel like I should know what she is talking about.

And, if she is so sure that these things can't be expressed in words, why the devil did she write essays about them rather than including the photographs themselves?  It is like she directly countered herself through her methodology!

I don't mean to say that I find words more powerful than photographs- I just think that we see so much more than we read (and we read a lot), that we become apathetic to powerful images.  Sontag argues against this in the case of religious iconography for the truly spiritual- but what the devil does she mean by that?  I have a crucifix on my wall, and I mostly just see it in my peripheral- I don't even think of it as a man being tortured (much less the son of God being tortured).  You have to focus on it to feel something, if at all.

Bother, but this is a boring post.  And it really belongs on my pain blog.  I suppose I'll do a longer posting there once I've finished the book.

boring books

What is it with profs assigning boring ass books lately? I'm sorry, but at this point, the Human Rights: Politics & Practice book I'm reading along with the class I'm TAing for is seeming pretty damn interesting.  Which is saying a lot, on account of reading the human rights text is all review-- I know all of this already, it's just seeing what the students should know for their responses. 

So, the first week of school, I read the lovely lovely Ananya Roy's Poverty Capital.  Now, Roy was a wonderful speaker-- I had the distinct pleasuring of hearing her lecture on her book just after I read the text.  I understand her point in throwing so many different stories about microfinance at the reader, making us recognize that there is no one microfinance narrative and all, but the whole thing was quite overwhelming.  So many numbers, statistics, in short, DATA.  Oh my!  For a qualitative researcher (and poet), the whole book was just a headache waiting to migraine-ify.

Not to say that I didn't get quite a lot out of it.  I certainly learned a lot, it's just that it was hard to take everything in.  I'm sure I also lost quite a bit!

Then came this weekend's reading, which was DuPuis' Nature's Perfect Food, a book about... wait for it... milk.  You may be surprised to learn that milk isn't half as interesting as it sounds.  I might then add that milk sounds not a bit interesting to me, so you can imagine how exciting this weekend was.  The only time I got really excited was when I found out that the chemicals used to produce strawberries are extremely toxic, and that it is widely agreed upon that nobody ought eat nonorganic strawberries.  Oh noes!  They don't sell organic strawberries at my grocery store!  Where the devil can I procure these sweet-lipped beauties?  (wait, that sounded a bit like the opening to a romance that wants to be a porno).

Thank goodness that book is over.  But still I am reading yet another book for the human rights class I'm TAing for, which sounds interesting, as it's about a woman who does human rights work in Brazil.  Unfortunately, at page 40, she has pretty much just gone around being horny and never getting laid.  It's all quite boring.  I'm quite curious when this is actually going to teach me something.  It is literally the most boring of the three very boring books I've listed.  The book is called Dance Lest We All Fall Down, but, despite the lovely title, it is agonizing!  I'm hoping it will pick up when she starts doing activist work of some kind.  Or maybe she'll actually get laid as opposed to just drooling over random men and occasionally kissing them (before promptly leaving the country).

Anyway, I'm hoping to get the readings for HR done tonight, so I can focus on Susan Sontag's Regarding the Pain of Others tomorrow.  Oooh, now there is a page turner!  I will write more on it when I actually... you know... read it... In the mean time, wish me luck with Dance...! ¡Ay carajo!

Umbrella

Side note, this fashion blogger from Toronto posted pics of the umbrella I have.  Now you can see why I am in need of an umbrella repair shop!  Do you think there are any in the area?  Oh, we have become so wasteful :'(

Isn't it the most beautiful umbrella ever?!

UWS Women Studies

I met with the grad school counselor on Thursday (ugh, more on Thursday later).  She was quite lovely.  Somehow, my appointment was misplaced, but she still made time for me :)  You know when you meet someone, and you know right away that you could get along swimmingly?  I feel like we should be friends, which I am going to take as an indicator that I shall get in (you know, unless it will jinx me, in which case, psych!).

Anyway, she told me that the GRE scores are NOT important for this program.  In fact, she told me that last year, a student got in with lower than a 300 on the English portion (which is pretty durned low).  She explained that the whole attitude toward the GRE in UWSWS (UW Seattle Women Studies) is that the score more represents how your day was going than anything else.

This is completely true for me!  My neck was just hurting so terribly the day I took the test (stress, lack of sleep, then sitting for four hours), I couldn't focus.  At the end, I was just choosing answers at random to get through the durn thing.  My math score was much higher, which mostly just indicates that that was the first section I took!

So, I'm feeling much better about my chances now.  Plus, the counselor told me that more like 70-80 people apply to the program, versus the 200+ I believed applied.  So, I am going to meet with my second reader (who, yes, is a prof in UWSWS) on Tuesday, and will beg her to write me a letter of recommendation.  I am hoping it will go far!  Plus plus, the counselor knew my advisor and apparently loves him (but really, who doesn't?), so I'm feeling good that his letter will go far. 

Really, though, that meeting was the best thing about that day.  Although I did meet with my CA (capstone advisor, versus my other advisor, who is for my portfolio- yes, you get two in my program), which was quite lovely.  We are both so bad at navigating bureaucracy, it is hilarious!  But, honestly, what can you expect of poets?

Anyway, I forgot both my coat AND my lunch on Thursday.  And, of course, it rained (and my umbrella apparently is broken-- do they have umbrella repair shops?  I really do love my beautiful cherry blossom umbrella) and I had to walk A LOT.

First though, I had a meeting for a certain editorial board on which I will be serving (not very fancy, mind you, almost anyone can do it, but I am trying to be "discreet" by not including the name).  Apparently, I cannot submit my own work now, because it would be a "conflict of interest."  Oh boy.

And one of the other people serving is in the class I'm TAing for, and she was NOT HAPPY about her grade last week.  She was complaining that the professor is a hard grader and I (yes yes, a bit foolishly) admitted that I do all the grading (it does, in fact, say it straight out that I do the grading on our syllabus).  That might be a REAL conflict of interest, so I will check with the prof.

Grading itself was unpleasant this week.  Many people had trouble understanding the difference between international relations theory and domestic policies.  Oh dear...

Back to Thursday though, I was "running" class since the prof was out, and we watched a film on the Rwandan Genocide (not Hotel Rwanda, but a documentary).  Not a cheery film.  Many corpses.  I felt quite guilty, despite being in grade school at the time.  Tsk tsk, Mr. Clinton.

Then I drove to UW Seattle, and had to walk (in the rain) about a mile to the Burke Museum to meet my prof.  After that, I walked in the rain about another half mile to the crazy anti-riot building that is Padelford (it is impossible NOT to get lost) to meet the UWSWS counselor.  Then I walked (still in the rain) to my mama's building (about another mile in the now pouring rain).

Needless to say I was soaked and, on account of wearing heels since I wanted to look fancy for teaching class, blistered up.  I felt pretty terrible, so mama and I skipped the poetry reading I'd been looking forward to all week.

To end on a happy note, I am feeling cautiously optimistic about PhD programs.  I will know for sure where I'm in by the end of APRIL.  Wish me luck!

I Would Like a Pet Cow

Because she is sooooo cute!

Mandy's Week

L asked for it, and the Mandy abides (I am very much like the dude, though I have not seen the Big Lebowski).

~*MONDAY*~

8AM- Wake up!  Get dressed, do my hairs and make ups, hopefully grab my lunch from the fridge, and head to work.  Oh, and put Eloise out so she doesn't destroy the house!  Tsk tsk.

9AM- Arrive at work (more or ... less....).  Do work...  'hem 'hem.

12PM- Eat the lunch or, more likely, pick up library books, print articles, do homework, meet with professors, etc.  T.T Mine is a sad life.  (le sob!)

1PM- Go to the OIR Reporting Group meeting and take minutes.  Try to stay awake while not understanding any of the data talk (this is still at work, btw).

3:30- Be freed from work- hallelujah!  I have been going to the gym, but alas, will now have to stay on campus for an hour, doing homework or something.

4:30- (from next week on) Directed research group on human capital.  With the wonderful DJ (initials... he's not actually a disc jockey, as far as I know).  I am mostly reading up on the robbery of doctors from "third world" to "first world" countries.  Not really robbery, but you know, the whole "brain drain" from Southern Africa and South Asia.

5:30- Work out like a mad bat out of hell!  Because I have got to get ready quick, you see!

7:30- be at Japanese class.  Stay awake!

9:30- arrive home and do homeworks.

12AM- go to sleep!


Note: I may be meeting with a prof for an internship every Monday at 8am.  Oh noes!



~*Tuesday*~

8AM- Wake up and all that jazz.

9AM- be at work. it pretty much proceeds the same until...

3:30 - if I am lucky, go work out.  More likely, run to make an appointment of some kind or go to a class.  Sigh!

5:45- My big core class for cultural studies.  Meet all my cohorties and party like it's 1999.  Do critical thinking and stuff.  Hopefully drink coffee.

10:15-ish - arrive home and watch something on TV with the mama.  Eat dinner.

12AM- go to bed.



~*Wednesday*~

somewhere between 8-10AM- Wake up and go to PT.  Pet the doggy, Mogul, and do crazy exercises that leave my shoulders hurting

11-1ish- meetings for getting PhD stuff done.  Possibly homework?  I dunno.  It is confusing, this day.

1:45- Tai Chi and Qigong, then work out for reals if I have time?

3-4-5-ish appts? 

after that... HOMEWORK!  and at some point go to bed... Wednesday is mostly a day for fitting in appointments.


~*Thursday*~

9-5 Work (whoa... like a real ass day)

11- take my lunch and go to the class I TA for to pick up papers. 

5- work out!

after that... homeworks!


~*Friday*~

more appts...  including Policy Journal Editorial Board meeting at 11.  And usually PT at some point.  And working out at some point.  This is also a huge homework day for me.  HUGE.

~*Saturday*~

Usually, we have the Emmy at some point.  I work out at some point.  I somehow rarely get any homework done on Saturdays between the Emmy and the working out :| which makes no sense.  But then at night, I tend to stay up super late to try and make up for it.  Oh dears.

~*Sunday*~

Well, I am going to start going to church with D again.  It is a nice church where they are gay-happy (see how I did that, using to synonyms in a row?)- anyway, they are queer-friendly, so that makes me happy.  And the "sermons" are quite good-- people are nice too!  It actually reminds me of L's temple :)  nice environment like that.  I don't know, I think it is just nice to take in some spirituality and maybe it is a little hypocritical not to care which religion it is, but I care an awful lot what they're talking about. 

Also, this is a big homework day v.v as usual.


I don't sound as busy as I am!  Gah, am soooo busy!  Just take my word for it!  rawr!

Writing Sample- oy!

Figuring out which paper to use for your writing sample is rough.  Really, I should develop multiple writing samples catering to specific programs, but it is a LOT of work pumping up an essay to make you look impressive.  Though there are shortcomings (many) to using just the one paper for all (and maybe my advisor will tsk me for being lazy), namely that the page limits/minimums change from program to program.

But it seems that 15 is a good number to aim for.  The paper I'm hoping to use is the last one I wrote as an undergrad (woot woot!) in my senior seminar on Advanced Zen Buddhist Philosophy.  Impressive much?

Anyway, the paper is 12 pages, but I can definitely see places to add (I'm hoping to bring in Dogen's "Tenzo Kyokun" and "Uji" to make a few more points, as well as make some note on method of writing <-- que graduate student-y).  I'm pretty happy with this paper on re-reading it, because I had forgotten A LOT of the concepts and I figured them out again based on my writings- hurrah!

I've also got a rough CV put together-- meeting with H on Thursday to get it really pumped up.  Way to get things in order, Mandy.  Also have a Statement of Purpose writing workshop coming up in a few weeks.  GRE is also scheduled.  Yes, I really am on top of things.  You know, except the whole asking my third letter of rec. writer (or should I say "potential letter of rec. writer") officially to write my letters of rec.  Bother, I'd better make an appt.  But who has the time?

Plus, I really should meet with my advisor (poor poor overworked advisor) to make sure I've got a good list together.  And to see if my writing sample idea flies.  Maybe I should use something more recent, but I like this paper better...

Anyway, I'm going to sleep- cheerio!

Explanation

Fine, so here it is.  I have gotten a few comments regarding my lack of updating-ness, and I'd just like to say that I've got a number of good reasons.

I was quite sick the week before last- strep throat with lymph node infection and tonsillitis.  Came very close to needing SURGERY- yeek!  Got an IV drip and everything- qué locura!  Anyway, I was so sick that I missed the first day of my elective class.  I wrote the prof an email, but her reply pretty much implied that I would have a lot of difficulty catching up, and really wouldn't be able to miss any other days.  Which, of course, is no good- I can't depend on my back not to act up, durn it!

So, I had to scramble about last week to get a whole bunch of one and two credit courses, so that I have enough electives to be a full-time student by all the crazy university mechanism standards.  Because I know that you are interested, here are the courses I am taking:

---
BEDUC 591 - Diversity Council Internship for Graduate
Students
(1-5 Credits – Grading is Credit/ No Credit. By Permission of Instructor.) Students will work
closely with the Chair of the Diversity Council as they take leadership roles in training and
supervising working groups, overseeing the implementation of projects, and providing updates to
the Council on diversity projects.

Students in all UWB Programs are encouraged to apply. Students will be able to select one of the
Council’s five working groups for their internship. 1. Student Recruitment, Retention, and Support
Diversity helps us celebrate our differences and embrace the ways in which we are interdependent
a. A major project for this group is to design and implement student surveys and focus groups
2. Curriculum a. A major project for this group is to develop and implement a Diversity Minor
3. Technology a. A major project for this group is to design and launch a diversity webpage.
4. Faculty Recruitment, Retention, and Support a. A major project for this group is to publish a
guidebook for faculty recruitment and to organize
and implement faculty focus groups.
5. Training Issues a. A major project of this group is to launch a series of activities designed
to increase awareness of diversity throughout the
campus. A project designed around common books on diversity will be launched winter quarter 2011.

--
Policy Studies directed research with DJ:
Human Rights, Human Capital and Migration. (with an excellent prof I work with)
--
*HUM 595A: Poverty, Democracy, and Public Scholarship. 1 credit (C/NC). Reading Ananya Roy's Poverty Capital.
---
Policy Journal board- 2 credits
---

Reader/grader position- 1 credit-- for Human Rights course

--

The real trouble is getting them all on my transcript-- it is taking a bit to clear everything up.  Until they show up, I am stressed!  eek!

Also, I have doctoral program apps, which means I am researching progs (though you may have seen that I've a list of what I'm applying to now), studying to retake the GRE, working on my writing samples, making a CV, doing statements of purpose, etc. etc. etc.  Plus, I am way overloading my academic schedule to make my CV look good-- doing a conference this Friday and Saturday plus the one I had a few weeks ago.  Plus trying to get in other proposals.  Plus applying for RA positions!

Madness, I say!

So, I'd better get back to homeworks so that I can get printings done for PhD prog research tonight.  Suffice to say, I am a busy potato. 

<3

Applying for Progs-- final...ish... list

I probably should check with my advisors before I say it is "final," but here is a fancy list:

University of Washington Seattle:
Comp. Lit.  (PhD)
English  (PhD)
Women's Studies (PhD)

Washington State U:
American Studies (PhD)

UCSD:
Writing (MFA)

CalArts:
Writing (MFA)

University of San Francisco:
Writing (MFA)

University of British Columbia:
Women's and Gender Studies (PhD)

University of Oregon:
Comp. Lit. (PhD)
English (PhD)
Philosophy (PhD)

UC Berkeley:
English (PhD)

San Francisco State:
Creative Writing (MFA)

UC Davis:
Cultural Studies (PhD)