Hurrah for spontaneity.
Anyway, the plan didn't so much go down like I'd hoped. By which, I mean that I haven't even finished what I'd meant to get done on Friday. I'll have to buckle down and really work on things tomorrow. Will put off editing the papers until next weekend. In any case, this weekend really was better for poetry writing and philosophizing.
And yes, dear commenter (thank you for commenting-- it always cheers me up. Even trolls bring up my spirits because I feel so powerful deleting their comments *^.^*), I do rather make short-termed sort of plans. It is more of a one day at a time approach right now. It feels like making long-term plans lead one toward the path of wishing away one's life.
I look forward to April and going to Hawaii, but I think skipping right on ahead would be awful too, however much I need a (working) vacation. I'd miss lovely things like Emmy's second birthday, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day (and green gin and tonics-- my favorite bar day of the year just because of the dye), and all that growing up some more. I dream of June and graduation, but what would be the point of skipping ahead? Grad school is too expensive to give up all the things you can learn in five months. I wouldn't deserve it if I skipped right past.
I say/write this now, knowing that I so often slip into the mindset of dreaming of future days. Come tomorrow night (or rather, tonight I suppose... how did midnight get here?), I'll be dreaming of the weekend and regretting I didn't get more work done this weekend.
It feels as though I've spent all my life wishing for the future. In grade school, I thought it would all be better once I got to high school, and I could drive. Then, of course, I just wanted to graduate and get to college, where people would be mature and treat each other kindly. But undergrad had no such dignity, so I dreamed of graduation again. I am happy with my life now, apart from some small things (like pain, which I guess isn't small in my case), or at least at peace. Thinking of the now seems like a sweeter way to live.
Perhaps it would be best to think of one thing each day that I am grateful for, however hard things are right now. Even happy, I am tired. Reading children's novels to give my brain rest in the non-study time. Cats that stay up 'til the wee hours of the morning to give you company. Finding new music to listen to and love.
Hoping I can find more peace <3
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