I'm Sick, and Probably Going to Perish

Or at least turn into a mushroom. A magical one. That makes you grow to the size of a house or shrink to fit through tiny little doors. Or get extra lives. Or just get hella high.

So, I'm sick, and probably all feverish and writing crap that don't make no sense to no one but the crazies aka me. The drinking kids apparently did not vanish for the weekend 'cause I can hear them (a lotttabit) downstairs making a big to-do about something or another (I'm leaning toward another). Enough of the hallabazoo hallaballoo... how the heck do you even spell that? Maybe it's a secretly made up word anyway, so it doesn't pay me no never mind, anyhow. Oh Frank.

Anyway, I'm terribly ill and my ears are all foggy and my nose runny (snot color tells you you're terribly sick, and probably going to turn end up kicking up daisies by the end of the day- ah euphemisms.). Two periods, ha. I keep sneezing and my throat hurts a lot and everything else too. I always hoped I'd go out fighting! There might still be time... just need to find the closest war. Hrm.

So, those kids downstairs obviously need to go with me. I mean... to Heaven or whatnot (at least Limbo for them, and I ain't referring to that oddly refreshing, yet always tricky party dance/game/torture). I shall have to murder them in their beds. Er, but I'd have to get them to their beds first, and then they might just go to sleep. If I moved them post-humously, the blood splatter would probably be a tell-tale sign that I moved them, and I might not be able to make an insanity plea. But I'd probably get deported at the very least, and that sounds a little harsh, so I'll let them go this time. Maybe I'll just go cough on them.

Anyway, I needed someway to pass the time while my tea cools enough to drink and opens my throat up a little. I guess it's ok if the food hole (ha... esophagus? Trachea?) closes, so long as the windpipe doesn't. Not like I'm eating anything right now. It's four AM. Not an auspicious time of day to consume.

I keep having this dream about this evil old witch trying to get me. I think she wants to straight out kill me, but she must be one lame-o witch, 'cause I just run inside and she can't come in and get me. Vampire witch? Anyway, it's ridiculous, "'cause witches they were persecuted Wicca good , and love the Earth And women power And I'll be over here." No more referencing for me today. I'm cutting you off, mister. er, me. I shall be my own designated driver and bartender, thank you. I am pretty sure I must have a fever, but maybe I'm amusing (or not) so I'll keep going for a little bit. If I can- bwahahahhahah. What? That wasn't even remotely whatchamahoosit. Just lost the word. Forgive me, pets.

I think I can't say "anyway" or "so" anymore either. So, anyway, I obviously overkill on the some words and am a snob shunning others. "Shun the nonbeliever!" I shouldn't make rules. I just do not follow them. Even at all a little bit.

I know I throw extra words into sentences that just are completely unnecessary (thus, extra. Ha, I'm so redundant. Redundant redundant redundant. My Japanese teacher (one of them) didn't know what it meant. I felt all, "at least my English is better than yoahs"ish). You're just jealous, 'cause if you try it, people just don't get you. But I know I'm totally understandable, and those extra words are my right. "Every girl is a princess. It is our right!" and that, right there, is why the movie is better than the book.

That, and the happy ending.

And her dad's "death." He dies because he loses money in the book. Okay, and he thought his friend sorta stole it. But he basically died of a financial/fraternal love broken heart. Which is stupid. 'Cause he had a daughter. And she's awesome. Lame-o daddy-o.

My throat still hurts so bear with me through another cup. Or just stop reading. No complaining, missy pooh! Gah, I think I'm going to pass out or throw up or do something else that means I'm so sick that you oughta feel bad for me and send me candy. But not chocolates, 'cause they'll melt. You should send me those strawberry cream lifesaver brand candies. Mmm. Except not mm, 'cause I'm nauseous and really nothing sounds good save that other up of tea.

And serving my queen in the field of battle.

I need a queen, any takers? I'll make you a paper crown and call you "highness" from time to time. Though I may have to depose you one day via successful Gunpowder Plot. Nothing personal. Maybe I'll have a revolution. Oh, I could use a guillotine. You know the guy who invented it died by it. CRAZY. Oh no, that's not true. It was like the guy that said you have to use guillotines to kill people during the French Revolution. That's not quite so ironic, is it?

We could tell people you are the queen of a small country. "Tiny little country. Rhode Island could beat the crap out of it in a war." "They recently had the whole country carpeted." I am sober, btw. And wise. I can see straight through your armor. Wow, this paragraph needs to end.

So tired. Cool down, tea, or I'll drink you. Or, cool down tea, then I'll drink you. I guess that doesn't give you much incentive to cool down. You're just prolonging the inevitable, Mr. Chamomile.

If I didn't have spellcheck that underlines things in red as I type along, there'd be tons of mispellings, galore. It always says I mispell misspell, no matter how I spell it. Oh, except that time. Misspell, apparently. Whatever, you know the game. And I'm merely the referee. Worship me. Bribe me. Call me nasty little names and get thrown out of the game. Whatever makes your laundry California fresh.

Just burned the life out of my tongue by trying to drink the tea too soon. It's so sleepy, being awake. I feel like I should go to the airport or something. There's not much other reason to get up this early. Unless it's Christmas and you're one of THOSE kids. You know who I mean. I wasn't ever one of those, I think. I'm too lazy to be excited enough to get up early to open presents. 'Cept maybe the once. Must've been some hella good present. Hella's a funny word. Pretend I put it in quotes.

What else? "What else IS there?" "You lost your queen, Derrick." "That's TWICE in ONE day!" Poor Derrick. I think he's kinda full of it though. But then, Odette's two-dimensional as well, so maybe they belong together. The animals are obviously the best characters. And the villain. He's way cooler. And he is a bass. Which just makes his songs that much more interesting. And he can turn into a DRAGON. Wow. He's not even THAT evil. Just political, really. Lots of people depose monarchs by means of killing them. If you're my queen, I may do it to you one day.

My fingers can't come up with much else. I'm too sleepy to think, even nonsensically. So, this is what I think of when I think of "nonsense" writing. Albee's "absurd." I don't get the difference, save that Albee doesn't write like this. I don't think I got Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf. They like, made up a son. And then killed him and got upset. But what the heck was up with Honey? Why did she keep getting sick and never have kids? One of the other characters figured it out, but I didn't. I am so slow on the uptake.

But then it was written in the 60's, which was just a confusing era, for us all. Or none of us. I don't really know. All my history's all a mumbled when I try to think it out. Gah, I'm too sick to think.

Good night. Rather abrupt. Sorry.

Loves.